JimmyDew Jokes!

  • "Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut!"

  • "My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!"

  • "How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut."

  • "Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up."

  • "I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."

  • "What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows."

  • "Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"

  • "Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired."

  • "Dad, can you put my shoes on?" "No, I don't think they'll fit me."

  • "Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot."

  • "This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in."

  • "Dad, can you put the cat out?" "I didn't know it was on fire."

  • "What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y."

  • "How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles."

  • "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field."

  • "I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless."

  • "How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!"

  • "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!"

  • "Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the 'no-bell' prize."

  • "I've got a great joke about construction, but I'm still working on it."

  • "I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me."

  • "I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!"

  • "I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since."

  • "You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine."

  • "What's brown and sticky? A stick."

  • "Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the 'P' is silent."

  • "What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant."

  • "What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk."

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